big day ahead!

In less than two days James and I will get to meet with our doctor, and hopefully hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. We are really excited, and somewhat nervous, as has been the theme of my life over the past two months. I like to think there's nothing to worry about because there haven't been any reasons to worry, and I've been taking my progesterone twice a day for the past three weeks. I do feel like I'm not eating as well as I should be, but it's hard when the smell of vegetables makes me gag! I have been eating a lot more fruit to try and make up for it, but I know that I need to do better.

Over Christmas my sisters are going to be throwing me a shower, so I have to get going on registering for gifts fast! Everything is so overwhelming--I wish I could just peruse baby items all day and night, but unfortunately I have about a million other things to do, the least of which is preparing to defend my thesis! AHHHH! I know that I will make it through everything and meet my deadlines, but until December 16 at 4:00pm, I will be freaking out!

happy thanksgiving!

This year I made my first-ever complete Thanksgiving feast by myself. James and I invited the international students who were on campus to join us for Thanksgiving dinner, and 8 of the 9 students took us up on the offer, so I cooked a lot on Wednesday night and all day Thursday. I made quick yeast rolls, slow cooker cornbread dressing, sage/thyme roasted turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, whipped sweet potatoes, crumb apple pie, pumpkin pie, whole cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, and an accidental peppered gravy.

I made everything truly from scratch, even my pie crusts, and it was my first time making almost everything--the only previous attempt I had made at any of these dishes was making mashed potatoes, but this recipe I found was far superior to anything I've thrown together before. The dressing made WAY too much for 10 people, so next year I'd probably make a smaller recipe or half it, also because I don't like dressing so I'm not willing to eat any of it. The turkey took a lot longer to cook than my Southern Living recipe said it would, but an almost 16 pound turkey fed all 10 of us perfectly. The story on the gravy--I was making the pan gravy recipe from my SL cookbook, and when I went to add the pepper about a tablespoon fell in instead of the 1/2 tsp I was supposed to use. I wasn't going to serve it, but the kids asked to try it and said it was actually pretty good. The only other thing I would change would be to make more green beans, make the rolls on the day of the meal instead of the day before, and maybe just omit the cranberry sauce since almost no one tried it--although I like it, so maybe it's a keeper just for my little serving that comes out of it. All in all it was a good meal, and I am proud of how my first solo Thanksgiving turned out. I guess I can do this grown-up thing!

getting closer to the safety zone

I am officially 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and I feel like I'm starting to look pregnant. I've been on the progesterone pills for almost a week now, and luckily I haven't experienced too many unwanted side effects--mostly just fatigue and a few other things I don't want to discuss in an open forum.

I did receive some upsetting news a few days ago--my doctor approached one of my co-workers and hinted that another Bell Buckle resident was pregnant, and this co-worker then approached my friend Sarah (who I'd already told) and asked her if it was me. I was pretty shocked that my doctor would do this, and also upset that people can't just mind their own business. Not that I'll be keeping this secret for much longer, but I don't want to attract more attention any earlier than I have to. The more I think about it, I really like having my close friends know and care about me, but I don't think I'm going to appreciate the constant "How are you?"questions once it's public knowledge. I know people are just trying to be kind, but I have a feeling it's going to get pretty annoying for that to be all anyone ever wants to talk to me about.

worrying news and FINALLY some good news!

After not hearing from my doctor, I assumed everything was fine. Yesterday I checked my phone after school and saw that I had a missed call from the doctor's office, and when I returned it they said that although my progesterone levels were in the "normal" range, Dr. Moss wanted to put me on progesterone supplements until I was 12 weeks along just to help support the pregnancy. Originally they said the word "suppositories" which made me go "eww", but after finding out I don't live in Murfreesboro, they decided that the pills would be fine. Thank God!

As I always do, I googled "low progesterone" and found that it's usually prescribed for women with a history of miscarriages, which worried me slightly, but also made me confident that this would help avoid a miscarriage.

The good news--I randomly ran into Dr. Moss at school today (it was Visitors' Day so I assume she was here for a parent panel or something), and I was able to stop and talk to her for a little bit about everything. She seemed surprised that I didn't get an ultrasound at my first visit, but remained positive about everything (as I'm sure she's trained to do). She did ask me if I was scheduled for a new OB appointment, which was the perfect opportunity for me to ask her if I could see her for that appointment instead of another NP. She said that she would take care of it and make sure I was rescheduled with her, and wouldn't you know it, a few hours later I get a call from her office telling me when my new appointment is! I'm excited because the appointment is 4 days earlier AND it's with my doctor. Finally some reassuring news--and it's only 3 weeks away! I simply cannot wait to be 12 weeks + and leave all of these worries behind!

slight calming of the nerves

Monday came, and come 1:30 I had still not heard from my doctor. I decided to call them myself, and ended up leaving a message completely expecting not to hear anything until tomorrow. To my surprise, they called me at 4:45 and said that my hormone levels were "good and high". I then asked if that meant there were no worries, and the lady on the phone (who was not an MD or NP) said she couldn't say that for sure but that she would have an NP call me tomorrow if there was cause for concern. I didn't hear anything yesterday or today, so I assume everything's okay.....right?

I ended up messaging my friend Megan who is pregnant and a PA to get her take on the events, and it was nice to hear from her that I should be expecting better treatment than I have received. James talked to Dr. Moss, the OB I requested, at a basketball game since her son plays on his team, and she said that she would make sure I was her patient, so I feel slightly better about that. I would still like to be able to see her at my next appointment, so I may try and talk to her at tomorrow's game to see if that's something that can happen.

All in all I'm not nearly as anxious as I was over the weekend, and I keep telling myself that if something were wrong, I would probably have noticed a change, so I will keep on trusting in God and try to have some peace until my next appointment on December 6.

worrying

Well today I had my first pregnancy check-up, and I can't say that I felt that it went very well. I got there at 9:22 for my 10:00 appointment, and didn't get called back until 10:20. I know that's pretty standard, but it still bothers me that I can't make an appointment for 10:00 and actually be seeing a doctor at that time. Also, the receptionist was not very friendly, which just didn't give me a good feeling.

I started with a pregnancy test (positive!) and weighing in (161), then moved to the exam room. I met with a nurse practitioner this time, which normally is fine, but I was a little upset that it was not even the one I had scheduled (whom I really like) and the one they had me meet with was working her last day with the practice today. She told me that they wouldn't get our medical histories until our next visit, nor would we get to see the baby's heartbeat until then. During the pelvic exam, she mentioned that my uterus was measuring smaller than 8 weeks, so she ordered that I get blood work done in order to assess my hormone levels. Because today was the NP's last day, she was leaving early, so I won't get the results of the blood work until Monday. I honestly wonder if anyone will even call me since it seems like I just keep getting passed along.

I was expecting this visit to be reassuring and calm some of my fears of miscarrying, but instead it just left me with more worries. I've googled all the reasons for why women measure small, and while most of them are not worrisome, I still worry that our baby has just stopped developing. They also forgot to give me the prenatal information packet, and still had not officially assigned me a doctor even though I had requested Dr. Moss on three different occasions.

tomorrow, tomorrow!

Tomorrow is my long-awaited first doctor's appointment. It feels like months have gone by since I first took a pregnancy test, and I am so glad that this day is finally (almost) here! I'm also so thrilled that James is not only coming with me, but wants to--it's nice to have such a supportive husband. I have determined that I must be somewhat of an anomaly because I have only taken one pregnancy test--I figured that if it's 99.9% effective, that's good enough odds for me to only use one. It seems as though everyone with kids or who's pregnant that I've talked to lately has taken at least 2 or 3...oh well, I guess I'm just a minimalist :).

I am beginning to wonder how much longer we can keep this a secret. It seems like James tells a new person every week, and we all know how small town/small school gossip spreads! I have a couple of students who are definitely suspicious, but most are too afraid to confront me yet. Those who have are met with the response of "Are you calling me fat?" and then they shut up.